Oh Oh Oh

How good has this week been to me as an OSU blogger? I feel like the posts are just raining down on me like manna from Heaven. First Landry Jones somehow reset the unintentional comedy scale for “I’m proposing to my girlfriend tonight” attire. Then I got to give my thoughts on a terrible Heisman campaign launched by OSU which I’ll undoubtedly go back to multiple times over the next six months. Now Rickie Fowler and Hunter Mahan are involved in the best dancing scene in a YouTube video by an athlete since, well maybe since this.

I think I’m feeling what Simmons would feel if it came out that LeBron and A-Rod were gay together and Mike Dunleavy was the one who broke the story. I can’t even contain myself anymore. These posts are basically writing themselves, I’m just clicking “publish.”

Back to the “Oh Oh Oh” music video from Fowler, Mahan, Bubba Watson, and Ben Crane that should really be renamed “Oh Oh Oh my gosh is this happening?!” If you haven’t seen it you might be dead I’m posting below. Please watch (multiple times if necessary) before reading any further. I think this is what the professionals call a “spoiler alert.”

I definitely proved myself less of a problem-solving savant and more of a simple-minded inquisitor with the Landry engagement post in which I raised approximately 93 somewhat not-very-well-founded questions and provided no more than 2 actual answers. So let’s stick with that theme as we break down the Golf Boys video Zapruder-style…

First of all – where in the hell are they? I remember a tweet from Fowler the Monday after the Colonial saying they were hanging out in Dallas filming, but this looks like the set of Boy Meets World gone dastardly. Did their wives/girlfriends spend a week setting up props, backgrounds, and wardrobe? Also, maybe more importantly, who thought of this? My guess is Ben Crane because he’s done some pretty weird crap in the past, but this is a little bizarre even for him.

Next, and this is probably the most important question of all – how much did Mahan have to drink to be able to film this? Did Fowler and Crane hold him down while Bubba poured shots of Crown down his esophagus or did they just slip something in his drink at lunch? “Yeah buddy, the lemonade here always burns my throat too, it’s pretty tart, huh?”

Would you bet your life on him blowing anything under a .08 at the time of this shooting? I wouldn’t even think about it, even though my hypothetical life has already been lost since DeShawn Stevenson failed to get arrested within 3 hours of the end of Game 6 – a fake bet on which my life was placed.

This is actually pretty par for the course (I’ll be here all year) for the other three guys. Fowler as the boy band hot rockstar – go back and watch the video again, he actually looks normal in some of the dances. “Normal” obviously being a pretty relative term. It’s vintage Bubba too – he was born to bang golf balls like they’re being shot out of a cannon and make really weird and awesome “I wish I had that life” YouTube videos. Crane obviously has a screw loose too. I expect this from him.

Mahan legitimately scares me when he’s singing though – the whole time I’m half expecting him to just pop his leopard pants like they’re a pair of basketball tear-aways and start gyrating circles around Bubba in a matching leopard bikini bottom like he’s trying out for a gay version of the Bachelor. I don’t need to see him in one of these again for a very long time. That’s also our second Bachelor reference on here in a week.

More random thoughts:

How can Fowler be built like a Chinese synchronized swimmer and hit a golf ball 310 yards? That seems a tad counterintuitive, no?

How much would Bubba have to be paid to play the U.S. Open in those overalls? PFB could certainly raise at least a hundy for him, right?

Is it just me or does Fowler go all Chris Peterson in the ’07 Fiesta Bowl on us after Crane hits that putt at 1:30?

Q asked me what the odds were that they filmed the golf course scenes at Augusta National in April. Let’s just say Crane, Watson, and Mahan would all be face down in Rae’s Creek and Fowler’s body would be strung up the flagpole for a week before finally laying to rest in the pond on 16. And the members would order like 1,000 Puma hats and have a bonfire with them on the driving range. And nobody would even ask any questions about any of this.

Finally (and I mean this in all seriousness), this is why post-Tiger golf is going to be fine. The dynamic is palpable – a generation of too-good-for-their-own-good matadors who grew up watching Tiger slam clubs and curse his own life learned to not take themselves too seriously. They’re great at golf, yes, but they also realize that in the end golf is a silly little sport invented by some very bored Europeans that allows them to live extremely fun lives. The self-awareness is refreshing. Even if Mahan’s belly isn’t.

Note: There’s a follow-up video with some behind-the-scenes footage that you have to watch. It’s better than the actual video. I would post it here and write about it but I’m probably going to need another 1,000 words so you’ll have to wait until tomorrow.