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All-Time Basketball Draft (Part II)



In case you missed the rules and round 1 of the draft, you can read them here: PART I

Let’s pick up at the beginning of the second round with Amilian kicking it off…

Amilian: As much as I’d love to have a distributor such as Gottlieb on my team, I can’t make him a top 10 pick. I feel like I could pick from four or five guys right here and none would be a bad pick. I need some athleticism on my squad and I have no clue who will still be on the board at 24 & 25. Let’s go with the 16th overall pick in the 2005 NBA draft, Joey Graham. This is why…

Nolo: Cool offensive charge video of Joey Graham there.

Sheets: Forwards are a dime a dozen, I’ll take a top tier point guard any day of the week. And I am going to take maybe the most underrated player we’ve had. The 27th overall pick of the 1994 NBA draft. The man who threw oops to Shaq and Penny, Brooks Thompson. The man averaged 17-4-6 and around 3 steals his senior year and has the brains as demonstrated by his successful coaching career thus far. A guy who wasn’t afraid to get down and play defense but was also a lights out shooter who shot 47% from 3. Complete all around player and locker room guy.

Carson (referencing Nolo’s shot at him in PART I): Sorry Nolan, here’s my 2012 humble brag: Just interviewed Rickie Fowler & Mike Gundy while you were winding down from Pilates.

OKC Dave: Boom goes the dynamite #2005reference

Nolo: There was nothing humble about that brag. And for the last time, I do yoga. Not Pilates.

Carson: I have the Alpha Dog at shooting guard. Since we are taking the player at the peak of their powers, I will take Mo Baker.

He put together the greatest all-around season in OSU history. Averaged (!) 19-7-4-2. Had he not injured his knee he would’ve been a top 5 pick. With Mo at point and Tony, I get unlimited swagger and two who can take over any game.

Pistols: Has there ever been a whiter team (and I mean literally, not figuratively) than the one Sheets is putting together with Brooks Thompson and Bob Kurland? I fully expect his next three picks to be some combination of Tyler Hatch, Scott Pierce, and Alex Webber.

OKC Dave: Scott Sutton is too dark for his team.

Carson: Bob Kurland has a Durant-sized chip on his shoulder for getting taken behind Bob Mattick (our draft’s Greg Oden).

Carson: While we wait on Nolan to get out of Hot Yoga and make his pick….a reminder on how good the Tony Allen was (Or in Nolan’s case: here’s how good Tony Allen was). He’s in practically every highlight (that block at the :27 mark …oh my)

OKC Dave: Rick Barnes after that game: “Oklahoma State is very good. They are very athletic. They have five players who can score. But we have no answer for Tony Allen. No one has an answer for him.”

Pistols: Plato wrote the same thing about Bob Mattick’s pops in 315 B.C.

Micthell bros: What’s with all the hate for the Mattick pick?

Amilian: Besides the fact you could have gotten him in Round five…nothing I guess

Carson: “What’s with all the hate for the Mattick pick?

Nolo: To join my Big 12 POY and consensus All-American SG, I’m going to go with another Big 12 POY and All-American at the point. Somebody who’s dad was a two sport All-American in college before he got to the NBA and started doing the LeBron powder clap with pounds of cocaine like some sort of basketball Pablo Escobar. This guy led OSU to the Final 4 as a senior and got buckets for the Bulls this year in Derrick Rose’s absence. I’m going with John Lucas III.

Pistols: Mitchell bros. are up. I’m dying to see the follow-up to Mattick. Merle Rousey is still on the board!

Poke: Eddie Sutton could run point!

Pistols: The only point Eddie runs is a .20 on the breathalyzer.

Poke: Still below Marcus Dove and Blackmon.

Carson: If this Mitchell’s are related to Jason Keep it’s a no brainer…

Mitchell bros: Eaton.

OKC Dave: Eaton to Mattick. Lob Stilly.

Amilian: Wait…seriously???

Pistols: Eaton is somebody Mattick has a lot in common with. I’ll take Rutherford, mostly because I know OKC Dave has his fingers on the R-A-N-D keys ready to type his name in .00002 seconds if I don’t. Oh and he’s the best shooter in school history (suck it, Keiton).

Amilian: I <3 Randy.  He wouldn’t have fallen this far if half of you guys weren’t obsessed with tall white guys.

Carson: Dave has to be crushed. Randy & Desmond is a nice tandem.

Amilian: He won’t be crushed because some of you yahoos left him quite a few top guards to choose from.

Carson: I can’t wait to see the team chemistry (or lack there of) between Eaton playing “Hero Ball” and Mattick hopelessly begging for the ball on the block.

Poke: Seems as if I need to get my big man the ball. I’ll take Gottlieb before someone steals him…..

Carson: I can’t wait until your team plays Sheets’ team. White wash!

Nolo: This is the same Randy Rutherford who cussed us out and quit in the middle of the game of pool were playing with him on my 21st birthday because he said one of our shots was luck, right? The guy that was hammered alone at Murphy’s at 8:00 on a Tuesday? Just making sure…

Joey Graham joins team Amilian

OKC Dave: I like him even better now. Was he chewing on a toothpick?

Nolo: Actually he was…

Carson: And you weren’t drunk at Murphy’s on said Tuesday?

Sheets: It was Dia De Nolan, Carson. So we had a legit reason.

Carson: He has a better excuse: he’s Randy Rutherford. Pretty sure that’s worth a lifetime pass to Murphy’s and free Limeyss at Copper Penny.

OKC Dave: I will round out the 2nd round by selecting the man described as “Doctor J with a jump shot, a lock for the 1996 Dream Team” by then-San Antonio Spurs head coach John Lucas. Charles Barkley called him “unstoppable” and “just amazing.” Richard Dumas.

His 17 points and 6 boards per game AS A FRESHMAN will give me plenty of scoring and athleticism with Byron down low. And he’ll help Byron Houston get to class on time, am I right?

Carson: Can we just call Dave’s team The Jailbirds and call it a day? If you hit “auto-draft” Dave you will definitely end up with Keith Brumbaugh & Gary Flowers.

OKC Dave: What’s that? Your team is going to try to clog up the lane to stop my student athletes from scoring? Well then, they’ll just kick it out to JamesOn Curry, who shoots 40% from three. He can distribute as well…8th most assists in OSU history.

Nolo: You’re using the term “student-athlete” rather loosely there, Dave.

OKC Dave: Carson, Tony and Mo Baker may be the only guys selected so far who might be in for a 2:15 Whataburger run with my guys.

Nolo: Byron would be in for a 2:15PM Whataburger run with your guys.

Carson: We’ve all been in that drive thru at questionable hours. But we have clean records, unlike Dave’s J-Birds.

OKC Dave: Speak for yourself.

Poke: Sean Sutton. When reached for comment Sean said “It’s an honor to Mumble Mumble Mumble! Mumble privledge mumble mumble hard work and sacrafice mumble mumble”

Amilian: All that said while maintaining contact between his upper and lower teeth

Harland Williams….I mean Brooks Thompson looks on

Carson: Gottlieb is the darkest player on your team.

OKC Dave: Can’t wait to see that Gottlieb transition game with Big Country and Sean.

Poke: Yes, but my team brings their hard hats and lunch pails to work. They sacrifice and are scrappy. They all have high sports IQs. They give 110%…..and other euphemisms for white athletes that I may have forgotten.

Amilian: First person ever to describe Big Country as scrappy.

OKC Dave: You forgot about his barber.

Pistols: It pains me to not be able to take the guy who did this here but I have to go Ivan McFarlin to combat the white beasts you guys have down low. That gives me three of the ten most prolific scorers in school history, but whatever.

Carson: Crap, I was hoping Mitchell would stick to the 1950s and Nolan 2005-present so I-Mac would fall to me.

Mitchell bros: Little Joe Adkins.

OKC Dave: Joe is the guy most likely to do something like this

Carson: Adkins was a slightly less wealthy (poor man’s would be an insult, in this case) version of Randy Rutherford. Randy drove a Bentley. Adkins a Mercedes.

OKC Dave: I love Joe, but the only knock about him is his sneaky-low three point percentage (33.6%). Less than Melvin (!!), Eaton, and Terrell. How is that possible?

Carson: Because, as Pistolsboy pointed out, he shot from the logos at half court?

Pistols: The 33% is the only reason I didn’t take him but good gosh I want somebody that lives for daggers like that. He was like JamesOn but more of a killer. “Ballgame, bitches!”

Nolo: I’ll take 2012 NBA Champion Terrel Harris with my 3rd pick. Anybody else have an NBA champion on their roster? Didn’t think so. He’ll shoot around 40% from 3, he’ll be a lock down defender, and he’ll be able to run the break with Anderson and Lucas. My team is going to run and gun and fire away. Everyone I’ve picked so far fits great in our run-and-gun system under Coach Ford.

Amilian: I have Tony Allen.

Carson: I’m still crushed McFarlin is off the board. I’m moving Tony Allen to the three and drafting Glendon Alexander. (I’m sure Dave is equally crushed a beloved J-Bird is gone). Alexander gives me a sharp-shooter next to Mo Baker pulling down triple-doubles and Tony Allen dominating (and cackling as he does it).

OKC Dave: On top of that, Glendon was the best bank fraudster in OSU history until Herschel Sims one-upped him.

Poke: Starting to think you could make an all time great OSU team with just the criminals.

Pistols: Sheets just breathed a sigh of relief, Big Dady is still available.

Sheets: I’m going to take an all conference glue guy that could shut down the others teams best player. A guy who scored when he needed to, just a winner. I’m taking Melvin sanders.

Pistols: Wow, that was strong. My sources tell me that Amilian is PISSED right now.

OKC Dave: (Carmelo Anthony nods his approval)

Carson: I never fully embraced the Melvin Experience (terrific defense and led the league in steal-breakaway-slams) because he shamelessly took Desmond’s #34 the year after he left.

Sheets: He wore it with grace though.

Carson: That would have been like Alex Webber wearing No. 50 in 1996.

JamesOn looks to light it up for OKC Dave’s squad

Amilian: Melvin did #34 right. Best defender OSU has ever had.

Carson: Tony Allen and I disagree.

Amilian: With the 24th and 25th picks I’ll take Vic & Obi. Yes, that sounds like some kind of topical cream you would use after messing around with some freshmen girls in Kerr-Drummond (honestly, I never did). How did Victor fall this far? There’s no logical reason for Byron FREAKING Eaton to go ahead of him. Do you guys remember his pull up jumper? It’d make Westbrook jealous.

Seriously – Vic, Pete, Obi, and Joey. I have scoring, defense, speed and athleticism. All I need is another forward or a center who can crash the boards and provide solid interior D. Stacked.

Mitchell bros: Honestly forgot about Victor. Remember a Bedlam victory in old GIA with him pulling up in Tim Heskett’s face.

Carson: I have Mo Baker playing like a more composed Westbrook at point or I would’ve taken Vic. Very underrated and carried the team after the plane crash.

OKC Dave: Feb 14, 2002: But emotion can go the right way, especially when 13,611 fans are screaming for you. Every time Oklahoma powered its way into the lead, the Cowboys surged back, riding a helter-skelter perimeter defense, a ton of double teams and its jet-quick point guard Victor Williams. “There is quick, then there is Victor Williams,” said Sampson after, shaking his head.

Amilian, I will fight you for presidency of the VW fan club. No one had more heart than Vic.

Amilian: You can’t forget the shot he hit at the buzzer to beat OU in GIA 48-46. I miss his pull-up J, Dave. I might let you take over the office of presidency for the VW fan club, but I’ll be your VP any day. I miss him.

We’ll stop here for today. Rounds 4-6 coming tomorrow. Vote below on who has the best squad so far (we won’t count Amilian’s 4th round Obi pick).

Part 1 | Part 3

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