A Thanksgiving with Mike Gundy and Co.

I did this on Thursday for a group of professional golfers and I thought there would be no better way to send us off towards Bedlam week than to do it with the Oklahoma State community as well.

If Mike Gundy’s family (and much of the OSU family) got together on Thursday for Thanksgiving dinner then this is likely how it went.

[Mike Gundy’s dad calls Mike Gundy on Wednesday morning]

Gundy: “Hello.”

Gundy’s dad: “Hey Mike, are you guys coming to Oklahoma City for Thanksgiving lunch on Thursday?”

Gundy: “We will do what’s best for our family.”

Gundy’s dad: “Oh. Well what does that mean? Are you going to be here or not?”

Gundy: “I will make the decision that’s best for our family.”

Gundy’s dad: “Okay. So…”

Gundy: “It will be a decision we discuss and ultimately make on Thursday morning right before Thanksgiving is served. The decision will be what’s best for our family.”

Gundy’s dad: “Okay…see you tomorrow…maybe.”

[Gundy calls dad on Thursday]

Gundy: “We’re on our way.”

[Gundy’s family arrives, Glenn Spencer and Jeannine Edwards show up next. Gundy answers doorbell and finds Spencer in a three-point stance in the archway, Gundy is startled]

Spencer (laughing): “Just kidding, boss. We brought some mashed potatoes — I skinned the potatoes with my teeth and mashed them between my fingers. Took a couple of hours. Hope they’re good.”

Gundy (looking at Edwards): “Oh…thanks.”

[Mike Yurcich and his family arrive]

Gundy (answering door): “Yo, Mikey.”

[Gundy peers outside]

Gundy: “Hey Mikey, why are you guys still driving that 2005 Honda CRV? I though I had the dealership send you over a SUV to use for free?”

Yurcich: “Yeah you did, we just prefer the CRV.”

[Travis Ford and his family show up]

Gundy: “Hey Travis, I thought you guys were still in Las Vegas.”

Ford: “Yeah we were but I took a private plane back early this morning. Actually I took it back last night then just flew to New York and back this morning for the hell of it. Sometimes I do that just to remind myself that yes, in fact, I am being paid $20 million to do this.”

[Bob Stoops and his family arrive with Cale Gundy and his family]

Gundy: “Brother.”

Cale: “Brother. I brought coach and his family, brother, hope that’s okay. I figured since we usually don’t talk football that you wouldn’t care.”

Gundy: “That’s fine.”

[Mike Stoops shows up, gets out of car, screams at the 12 garden gnomes in the Gundys’ front garden with such profanity that Yurcich quickly escorts his children through the house into the backyard…Stoops leaves after screaming at the last one]

Cale: “Yeah, I didn’t invite him.”

[Robert Griffin III shows up with his wife and Justin Blackmon]

Gundy: “Robert….what are you doing here?”

Griffin: “Got nothing else to do.”

Blackmon: “Ditto.”

[Everybody heads into the kitchen where Gundy’s dad gives the invocation]

Gundy’s dad: “Father we thank thee for this food, for these people, and for the Thunder for they are the only thing going worse right now than whatever it is the men in this room are trying to accomplish.”

[Gundy and Stoops look up at each other before looking over at Yurcich who is texting every high school coach in Oklahoma he has met in the last two years]

Gundy: Okay, what do we have for lunch here?”

Yurcich: “I brought Lunchables, hope that’s okay.”

Gundy: “I thought I told you to pick up that award-winning honey-baked ham on your way out of Stillwater?”

Yurcich: “Oh yeah I picked it up but I just thought the Lunchables looked better.”

[Doorbell rings, Gundy goes to answer it, it’s Joe Wickline]

…

[No I’m just kidding — that would never happen]

Stoops: “Thanks for having us Mr. and Mrs. Gundy — I really appreciate it. It’s nice to be able to literally eat your son’s lunch instead of just figuratively.”

[Doorbell rings…it’s Boone and No. 4]

Gundy: “Boone.”

Boone: “Boy.”

[Everyone sits down at the dining room table where the conversation ensues]

Spencer: “Hey Robert, could you toss me one of those dinner rolls?”

[Griffin tosses him a roll, it is immediately intercepted by Stoops]

Gundy’s mom: “Your offensive line just called, Mike. They said they aren’t going to be able to show up.”

Gundy: “Whatever. Are No. 22-334-2183 and No. 29-339-2287 coming or no?”

Cale (to the rest of the table): “That’s our aunt and uncle. He references non-football players using social security numbers instead of their names.”

[Tyreek shows up, eats two plates of food, leaves…or at least that seemed like it was Tyreek]

Gundy: “What is everybody thankful for this year?”

Blackmon: “Adrian Peterson.”

Gundy: “Okkkkayyy…anybody else?”

Stoops: “Whatever it is that Blake Bell is going to do next Saturday.”

Spencer: “The gratitude I feel burning in me for those in my life galvanizes my heart and soul and creates within me a spirit of thanksgiving no holiday can possibly represent. The warrior poets of a thousand nations could never pen the supremacy of my feelings nor the depth of emotion. It is everything and means everything.”

Yurcich: “I’m thankful for the zone read.”

Ford: “I’m thankful, like many of you I’m sure, for this football season. And for the Jones stress fracture (whatever that is) and the run off waiver.”

Gundy: “Okay let’s get together in the backyard for our annual big game of croquet.”

Stoops: “I’m going to sit this one out.”

Gundy (looks at him): “Okay.”

Cale (covering side of mouth Stoops is on with a cookbook and whispering): “He’s not a fan of big games.”

[Everyone heads to the backyard]

Gundy’s kid: “Dad, what color do you want?”

Gundy: “I’m going to pick the color that’s best for my chances of winning this croquet game against my family and friends.”

Yurcich: “I’m going to sit this one out with Bob — too much forward progressive movement. I prefer competitions that engage the ability to wander a bit more.”

Spencer: “You know…my ancestors invented croquet. Yep, they carved the croquet balls out of a glacier in Antartica and melded their bones together to use as croquet sticks.”

[Doorbell rings, JW Walsh and Phil Forte show up]

Forte: “I brought three turkeys, three dishes of mac and cheese, and three pumpkin pies.”

Walsh: “I just came to win this croquet game.”

[He does]

[Everyone heads back inside]

Gundy: “Okay, it’s time for our traditional lighting of the tree so let’s get an assembly line going from the attic to get the tree, decorations, and lights hung.”

Spencer: “You know…people used to chop down trees using only their teeth. That was real tree-trimming, not this new age garbage.”

Yurcich: “We usually just use an artificial plant as our Christmas tree.”

Gundy: “Hey Bob, could you hand me that bowl of ornaments?”

Stoops: “Ahh, sorry Mike. I gotta run.”

Cale (covering side of mouth Stoops is on with piano book of Christmas carols): “He doesn’t touch bowls, Mike.”

Gundy’s kid: “Dad, here’s the angel we always put on top of the tree.”

Gundy: “Actually could you hand me that spare reindeer sitting over there off to the side? Yeah, let’s go with the reindeer this year. That sounds good.”