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Jalen Hurts Doesn’t Like Cheese Fries, Has Never Heard of Eskimo Joe’s




On Monday afternoon at his weekly press conference, OU quarterback Jalen Hurts had a fun exchange with the great Tulsa World columnist, Guerin Emig, on the subject of cheese fries. Here is how that exchange went:

Emig: Jalen, have you ever been to Stillwater for any reason?

Hurts: No sir, no sir I haven’t.

Emig: Have you heard of Eskimo Joe’s?

Hurts: What’s that?

Emig: It’s their most popular restaurant. It has kinda a cult following.

Hurts: Is it pretty good or something?

Emig: Their cheese fries are good. Do you like cheese fries?

Hurts: Nah, I don’t.

Emig: Their fans in the stadium there are awfully close to y’all. Do you ever find yourself hearing what fans are yelling?

Hurts: What does that have to do with the cheese fries?

OK, there he went and nearly redeemed himself with some humor. But wait, what? Jalen Hurts doesn’t like cheese fries? That’s a 2+2=5 formula — doesn’t quite compute.

How does one just … not like cheese fries? I get that dietary restrictions can force oneself away from such a delicacy, or that perhaps you feel a little wobbly with grease after a good bowl, but saying nah to cheese fries altogether is … sad. I can’t help but feel sympathy for him.

Has he never had cheese fries at all, or simply never enjoyed them? The Nah, I don’t tells me he’s maybe been kept away from that potatoey, cheesy goodness his whole life in the same way Friday Night Lights star J.D. McCoy would — I’d bet my life on this — abstain from cheese fries … for the good of his development.

Moreover, as one who has enjoyed even a bite of them, Eskimo Joe’s cheese fries are not cheese fries. This is a fact. They are heaven in a bowl topped with cheesy goodness, bacon, cheese, and oh — did I mention cheese? It’s a plate of food you’d get if you could request manna to be sent directly from Jesus to your belly — but if manna were, you know, cheese fries.

Just take one gander at these bad boys and tell me Nah. 

You can’t!

So what does this have to do with Bedlam 2019? How will it impact Saturday’s big game?

Those are great questions I’d love to answer (and I’m sure we will on this here blog this week). But first, I think I’ll indulge myself in some cheese fries.

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