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Texas game superlatives

Uni Heisman, best player, biggest uniform crime, winners, losers, more.



Photo Attribution: USATSI

Photo Attribution: USATSI

Winners: Justin Gilbert’s future agent, Gundy (how is he doing this), Chelf, the Moore brothers, Glenn Spencer (and his agent), OSU fans who traveled to Austin (always fun, a win just makes it better), Texas fans (they were loud), and ABC (the ratings for OSU-Baylor will be strong).

Losers: Mack (bye), OSU (doesn’t get to play Mack anymore), Case, Joey, Case and Joey together, Texas fans (they left at halftime!), and Kip Smith’s diet (he’s destroying it).

Fake trade I thought of between the WVU loss and OSU win: Yurcich, Walsh, and $5 mil to WVU for Dana and their throwback helmets. Who says no?

Fan I’m glad is not ours: This bro.

Best player: Gilbert — but I could be talked into Lavey. If Lavey and Shaun Lewis aren’t on a bunch of end-of-year lists (there are thousands of them, I know) then that’s a joke. I could be talked into them being the two best players for OSU all season.

Best irony: This, for sure.

Uni Heisman: Kyle Stanley (see above) — I just love that he looks like the wrecking ball Miley rode in that crazy music video. That bicep protector would likely fit around my chest.

Biggest uniform crime: Other than OSU wearing the same uniform twice in a season, it’s this. The horns on the side is so classy looking — now it looks like you’re trying to be a Bama/Texas hybrid.

Commercial that confused me: The Dr. Pepper one with Pitbull standing on a beach somewhere (likely Miami) talking about how he’s getting to live his dream. Kind of begs the question: THIS was your dream?

Play that needs to be renamed: This destroyed me.

“Maybe I don’t know the rules” moment of the game: This was flagged as a penalty and then the flag was picked up…

Stat of the game: Clint Chelf now has 325 rushing yards on 40 carries. Jeremy Smith has 329 on 96 carries. 

Worst body paint job: Is that a cartoon cow??

Dude I wish was on our squad: Daje Johnson. Dude can play — unfortunately for him he has Jordan Shipley’s roommates’ kid brother tossing ducks all over the field at him. 

Understated moment of the game: LDJ saying “scoreboard” to the Texas sideline. Either that or “bye” to Mack. (UPDATE: Tyler Patmon, sorry).

OSU player most likely to end my life: David Glidden [auto-clutches heart].

Play I loved that you might have missed: Shaun Lewis nearly committed a felony on Tyrone Swoopes on the last play. I mean he crushed him. 86th play of the game, Shaun Lewis still going. I love it.

Ugliest play that worked: I literally gasped out loud.

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