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Satire: Baker Mayfield Finding Haters Literally Everywhere



In a recent piece by ESPN, OU quarterback Baker Mayfield noted that his haters are the primary fuel for his on the field performance.

The starting quarterback for the most beloved sports program in Oklahoma said that having so many haters has been difficult, but it makes him play that much harder each week.

After a wildly successful year where OU won the Big 12 and qualified for the College Football Playoff, Mayfield said he’s expecting haters to come out of the woodwork, ready to tell him he’s not very good at football.

“Look, I’m a generally likeable guy and will probably put up some good numbers this year,” said Mayfield, “but I know that the media won’t give me the time of day. I play for Oklahoma. It’s not like we’re that nationally respected.”

The Heisman hopeful said he recognizes that lack of adequate media coverage doesn’t determine his value as a player.

“I’ve got to do me, you know?” said Mayfield. “I go out on the field—I call it the Mayfield—and I don’t worry about the fact that we have 5 fewer photographers at this game than the last one. Or that the headlines for the week included my name 23% less than last year. I just gotta focus on the game.”

Despite being confident in himself, Mayfield admitted to looking for support from people around him. He described how he regularly visits OSU establishments incognito and asks OSU fans what they think of “OU’s quarterback.”

“Most people tell me they think he’s good and that they don’t like his swagger. I write all of that down and put it on my bulletin board. Fuel for the offseason,” said Mayfield.

Mayfield noted that the most difficult sort of haters are the ones who think they are Sooner fans but really are closeted haters.

“Sometimes I’ll be talking to ‘fans’ and they’ll tell me they hope I do an even better job this year,” said Mayfield. “I mean wow. Really? Like I didn’t do a great job last year? Bulletin board material.”

Mayfield said the hardest ones are the children that don’t believe in him.

“You know, no one is born a hater,” said Mayfield. “They have to be taught that. Someone has to sit them down and say, ‘Baker Mayfield is bad at football and not a very likeable guy.’ Someone has to do that. So when a five-year-old boy asks me if I like playing football, I don’t even know what to say. How can he not know that I like football? How can anyone not know that? Bulletin board material.”

Mayfield noted that despite all the pressure, he plans to have a great year. His teammates and coaches support him and have defended him from those who would accuse him of underperforming or being someone people could easily dislike.

“Coach Stoops tells me every time he hears someone sort of second guess some part of my performance, he gets really excited because he knows how it’s going to make me play harder. A reporter says I made a bad throw on a play? Bulletin board. Someone asks why I wear headbands so much? Bulletin board. Some guy writes a satire article about me? Bulletin board. It all goes on the bulletin board.”

Mayfield said he expects people to doubt him. It’s something he’s learned to live with.

“You’ve got to know that people are going to doubt you,” said Mayfield. “It’s just part of the game. The hard part is shutting down the doubters, which what I plan to do this year. I’m going to go out there and find the doubters, track them down, wherever they are, and I’m going to prove them all wrong.”

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