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Mailbag Friday

Why I don’t want the NFL in OKC.



Haven’t done this in a while because I’ve been on a couple of vacations so I figured today was as good a day as any to jump back into it.

Let’s get straight to your questions (thanks to everybody who participated on Twitter).

Animal you’re most afraid of? -@mattquade12

Does “Adrian Peterson” count as an animal species or are we talking more traditional non-humans here? If we’re going traditional I’ll say snake. I’m a good 6’1, 210 and if I see a snake the size of a straw I immediately wonder whether or not I’m going to pass out. I was playing golf with one of my buddies the other day and he was digging his ball out of a pond when a snake came at him out of the water. I reacted like an asteroid was about to hurl itself into Earth — just total irrationality.

First, let’s figure out the year. I’m like 99% sure that’s Keiton at the bottom of the screen so that means it’s the 2008-2009 season because that’s the only year Keiton, Moses, and Terrel played together. That means our options (other non-white guys on the roster) are: James, Eaton, Anthony Brown, Malcoln Kirkland, and Ibrahima.

It can’t be Eaton or James because they both have tattoos on their left arms. If you also notice this game was against OU at home in 2009 with 10 minutes left in one of the halves. Kirkland started that game per[1. I spent a bit too much time on this.] but only played three minutes so it’s likely those were the first three minutes and he wasn’t in with 10 minutes left in either half. We’ve already eliminated James, Eaton, and Ibrahima (arms in the pic are too big and he didn’t play this game) so I think it has to be Brown.

Aren’t you glad I’m here?!

How long until we see an NFL team in Oklahoma? -@_cramer_

Interesting. I mean, this is in play in a way it wasn’t before the Thunder got to OKC, isn’t it?[1. I’m assuming we’re talking about OKC in this “NFL team to Oklahoma” scenario.] The biggest thing about this is that you’re playing a numbers game with attendance. You guys have all read the stories about how more and more people are staying home these days to watch three games at once rather than going to an NFL stadium.

So when you move to a city you’re basically betting on the fact that a set percentage of those people are rich/dumb enough to go to eight games a year for, like, $200 a game minimum.

That doesn’t feel like OKC to me.

The OKC metroplex has 1.3 million people in it — good for 42nd in the country, just behind Jacksonville and just ahead of Buffalo and New Orleans. The only franchise other than Buffalo in a smaller market is Green Bay (lol at them moving). So I guess your best bet would be Jacksonville but they’re talking about moving to London and London vs. OKC is almost as humorous as Tulsa vs. everyone for the Olympics.

The thing is, I don’t want an NFL team in Oklahoma. I want OSU/OU hoops in the winter, the Thunder in the spring, and I want OSU and OU football to rule the fall. If the Jags moved to OKC in 2015 you’d have Jim Traber and Big Al (if he’s alive) screaming at each other about Blaine Gabbert’s deep ball and, I mean, nobody wants that.

Let’s just leave things the way they are right now.

From head to toe, what gear are you wearing while golfing? Including clubs. -@tyames93

This changes every time I play but I usually go with a Nike shirt, some khaki shorts, orange Titleist hat, Kentwool socks (amazing), and Puma shoes. I’m a polygamist when it comes to golf gear, especially when it’s free. Clubs are: Callaway and Nike drivers, Callaway 3-wood, Adams 5-wood, Cobra irons, Callaway wedges, and Odyssey putter.

If Clint Chelf and Zac Robinson go into a bar together what’s the over/under on how many girls they bring out with them? -@kade_g34

All of them. Really, unless there were upwards of 300 girls, if these two guys (in their Stillwater primes, or now for that matter) stood up and said “hey, we’re going to that party on 4th and West street….all the girls leave and you’re just left with a cluster of Sigma Nus playing darts and woefully sipping their frozen jack and cokes.

You’re a 1st round draft pick after leaving early and out of the league in 3 years. What would you do for the rest of your life? -@eallen7

Good question. After Aaron Hernandez was accused of murder a few weeks ago Peter Uihlein tweeted something like “all you have to do is not be an idiot and you’re set for life.” It’s kind of true, too.

As a pro athlete, especially a recognizable one[1. Most first round picks are pretty recognizable especially QBs and white point guards which is what I’m assuming you’re assuming I would be given that I’m 6’1 and 210 lbs as we discussed above.] you’re privy to a world after sports that us normal citizens are not.

If you can display even a modicum of logic or string together more than three sentences at a time, the world is your oyster!

If it was me I think I would do two things immediately:

1. I was presumably a star in whatever college town I just lived in (remember, I was a first round pick) so I would go back, start a little real estate company, buy 5-10 houses, use my fame, and just let them cash flow for me. I didn’t get paid a ton (rookie caps) so I’m not exactly wealthy but I have as much money as I’m ever going to have pre-investments because, like you said, my career is over so I would want to start this right away.

Can you imagine the influx of college students who would try to rent a house with my name on it? It would be like “bro, I’m living in Brandon Weeden’s house.” “Like, you live with Brandon Weeden?” “Well, no, I mean he lives in Oklahoma City but he owns this house, bro.” “Oh, cool.”

It would really be the easiest thing ever.

2. I would try to go the Jalen Rose/Andy Roddick route and lend my services to whatever media outlet would want me.[1. I think this is where Weeden is headed eventually.] You have a lot of juice still right after your career and if you play it right, that’s a pretty easy path too (Simmons said he would hire CJ McCollum tomorrow for Grantland if he could).

I would chat up Russillo and Simmons so hard at the draft and then try to play my cards right three years later. This isn’t a difficult thing[1. Have you ever actually listened to the things that come out of Jalen’s mouth? He’s entertaining as hell but, man.] and I think the play I would try to make.

If you and Mrs Pistols were stranded on an island, what would your first fight be over? -@mattamilian

Probably where to go out to eat[.1. Shout to @thezackrobinson here.] Asked Mrs. Pistols and she said “it wouldn’t take very long…probably whose fault it is that we were stranded.”

What is your favorite piece of OSU memorabilia that you own? -@drewgg88 

I’m not a big memorabilia guy but this pic with my dad and Jeromy Burnitz is pretty cool. The older I get, the cooler it is for some reason.

Can you still dunk? -@nolancox

I actually tried for the first time in a while a few weeks ago and got hung. It was sad. Just me and the ball and the rim and a bunch of dudes standing around the gym staring at me. Nobody said anything. I can still dunk a softball though!

Y’all have a good weekend — I’ll probably be around a little bit prepping for the British Open (3 AM wakeup calls next week!)

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