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Report Cards – Part 1



Photo Attribution: US Presswire

It’s that time of the year again. The kiddos are ditching their Jansport packs for swimming trunks and every mom’s mid-day world is about to become an absolute living hell (no you can’t have Klondike bars for brunch!).

Time for school to be out, time for a couple of U.S. Opens, time for all those small business-sized sno-cone owners to make XLK’s weight in gold by tossing together a wonderful combination of colored sugar water and ice. I call them geniuses.

It’s also time for some end of the school year report cards for your OSU athletes and coaches. We’ll be doling these out gently and spreading them out over the next week (so we don’t have to look at all the basketball ones at once).

Travis Ford Sure, he was dealt a crappy hand that started with half the team exiting stage right and ended quite unceremoniously with [the team that lost to Norfolk State in the 1st round of the tournament] burying Keiton’s career up in Kansas City. But it’s not like he was playing a 7-2 with everybody else at the table holding a high pair (Scott Drew still thinks they’re playing backgammon). Ford couldn’t figure out an offense he spent all offseason promising he’d figured out and I think he actually started  rooting harder for Keiton than Keiton’s mom was rooting for Keiton. 15-18 is not acceptable, I don’t care what cards you’re holding.

Justin & Brandon  They weren’t as prolific as last year but the offense was far more seamless (pun, yes, intended). Joseph Randle scored 24 freaking touchdowns. TWENTY FOUR! W2B was nasty when it needed to be but deferred appropriately. The only thing keeping them from an A+? The title hopes went down the drain on a ball they tried to hook up on in Ames.

Football Gamedays  Wait, you’re telling me you have the best receiver and possibly the best QB in the country and you choose to show…a bunch of backup DBs working out and a helicopter-level view of an empty Boone Pickens Stadium during your pregame intro video? Huh? That’s as bad as what Simmons describes here. Sorry we’re not grading against that Cowboys4Evahhh curve. Oh, and I shouldn’t need binoculars to see any of the four video boards in my 80 billion dollar stadium. Let’s just stop here before I downgrade this to a D and Mike Holder’s lawyer asks for my cell number.

Todd MonkenEverything you wanted from Crazy Dana’s replacement including maybe a few things you didn’t. Overall though, brilliant. It’s difficult to screw up a pair of first round picks but I loved the swagger with which he called plays. They should loop that third quarter against A&M on projectors at national coaching conventions everywhere with him and Weeden holding up dueling middle fingers to a yelping Reveille at the end. Now THAT would be must see TV.

Lob StillyI’m not huge on gimmicks (especially when you’re 15-18) and the shirts were beyond horrendous, but if you can generate some momentum and buzz heading into 2012-2013 (and you did), then I guess I’m OK with it. Doesn’t get a C because it helped fill up GIA. Doesn’t get an A because it’s not like GIA could get any less full.

Have a good weekend, y’all, and remember if you need to transfer schools just give OU’s admissions office a call, they should have all the paperwork quite handy!

Oh, and don’t forget to watch the OSU guys at the Players this weekend. Saturday and Sunday afternoon on NBC.

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