Satire: Briles Sorry for Accidentally Stealing OU’s Gameplan

Like Winnie the Pooh, Baylor was caught with its hand in the honey jar this week.

Last weekend, Baylor passing coordinator and running backs coach Jeff Lebby was discovered to have been on the wrong sideline. Lebby, Art Briles’s son-in-law, attended to the OU-Tulsa game and was given access to the Tulsa sideline, a maneuver OU coach Bob Stoops notes is against the rules since OU and Baylor have not yet played.

Briles apologized for the mistake and admitted that the entire thing was “embarrassing”.

“It was pretty upsetting,” admitted Briles, “and I apologized profusely to Bob [Stoops] for it, which made it even worse when he found me in his office a day later rifling through his desk. Wow, talk about awkward.”

Briles said while he hadn’t intended to try to find the password for Stoops’s email and use it to infiltrate his communication with OU coaching staff, sometimes these things happen.

“You know, we’re always trying to get better, always trying to improve,” said Briles. “Sometimes that means that we make mistakes, but we learn from them. Like we learn that asking someone to borrow their office keys for the weekend doesn’t usually go over very well. But now we know, and that’s the most important part: learning.”

Briles said after Stoops caught him in his office, Briles immediately made amends.

“I told him that I was sorry, especially sorry for how this looked because that’s really the most important thing here,” said Briles, several file folders falling out of his zipped up windbreaker. “He said we were good, so I think that settles that. He did get a little mad when he noticed me photographing the plays they drew up on the dry-erase boards in their meeting room, but I bought him lunch, so I think we’re okay now.”

Briles said that he hopes that Stoops and OU can put the whole incident behind them as soon as possible.

“These sorts of mishaps always distract from our main focus, which is playing the game of football,” said Briles. “Especially something as miniscule as this. It’s not that big of a deal that security found me wandering the halls of the OU athletic department at 4:30 in the morning. I just needed to find the bathroom. When people focus on those things, they forget that our players are just kids and that we deserve to be wandering those halls as much as anyone.”

Briles noted that he and the rest of the Baylor coaching staff already have everything they need to prepare for the game next week and wouldn’t find anything useful standing on the sidelines or copying all the text messages in Stoops’s phone.

“We’ve got all the game film we could ever want,” said Briles. “We’ve got our analysts and our wire taps, just like every top-tier program in the country. Other than planting a mole on their team to throw the game, what more could we ask for? Not much, not much.”