Satire: OU, Baylor to Impress CFP Committee with Field Goals

Week 2 of the Big 12 playoff looms on the horizon as No. 6 Baylor and No. 12 Oklahoma are set to square off in Waco under the watchful eye of College Gameday. Featuring a combined 16-1 record, this game could go a long way towards getting a team from the Big 12 into the Playoff.

And the Big 12 may need as much help as it can get with the Playoff committee right now.

Even though the Big 12 features four teams in the top 15 of the College Football Playoff rankings, many fear that a one-loss Alabama, Stanford, and/or Notre Dame could possibly squeak past an undefeated Big 12 champion into the playoff.

Baylor coach Art Briles said that he and OU coach Bob Stoops are aware of the need to impress the committee and have prepared game plans guaranteed to move both teams up in the rankings, regardless of the outcome of the game.

“First,” said Stoops, “we’re going to punt the ball. A lot. We might even punt it twice on a set of downs if we can. We might even punt before running a single offensive play. We’ll punt as much as we need to to secure a narrow, low-scoring victory.”

Briles agreed with Stoops that special teams would be the key to impressing the committee.

“Oh yeah, we’ll punt a lot too,” said Briles, “and if we somehow find our way into the red zone, we’re definitely going to check down to a field goal. Heck, we might kick three, maybe four field goals in the game. We might even miss a few. We’re not sure how the game will go, but we’ll take whatever the defense gives us.”

Briles added that while both teams are known for their high-powered offenses, viewers should expect to see more defense this weekend.

“Our offense is ready to play right into Oklahoma’s hands,” said Briles. “We’ll telegraph the pass and the run, let them tackle us for a loss, you know, really sputter around the field. The committee won’t know what hit ‘em!”

Stoops said that OU’s offense also plans to really let the Baylor defense have a field day.

“We’ve known Baylor’s game plan for several weeks,” said Stoops, “and we’re ready to cooperate with it to the letter. Baker [Mayfield] is ready to throw four or five interceptions, at least. He’s really quite a leader in being willing to turn the ball over.”

Stoops admitted that collaborating with Baylor in this fashion may appear to be game fixing, but clarified that he and Briles have in no way decided the outcome.

“We just want to show the committee and the entire country that the Big 12 plays defense,” said Stoops. “So in order to do that, we’ll put in our scout team on offense if we have to. Whatever it takes to sort of get the win.”

Briles added that he would normally disagree with this approach, but since no one checks any statistics other than yardage, he agrees that keeping yardage low is best for everyone.

“If we can manage less than 100 total yards in a solid 6-3 victory, we should move up into the top five, maybe even top three,” said Briles. “It’s all about improving your weaknesses this time of year, and we haven’t been very good at creating the minimal number of yards possible. We’ve been devoting an awful lot of practice to that this week, so we’ll see how much improvement we’ve got on that front.”

Briles noted that other teams in the Big 12 have attempted this strategy to less effect.

“Kansas has been fantastic at limiting their own offensive yardage,” said Briles. “And last week TCU couldn’t manage to limit their yardage, but managed to limit points. If only OSU had been on the same page as them, that game could have been better for the conference.”

Stoops added that regardless of who wins, he anticipates a positive movement in the polls for both teams.

“Look, it’s pretty simple,” said Stoops. “If a one-loss Alabama, who we beat in the Sugar Bowl a few years back, can get into the top four, who knows where a two-loss Oklahoma could go? The sky’s the limit!”