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Mailbag Friday: why is BBQ so good?

• What if BBQ sauce was orange
• Best woman on TV?
• Starting five of non-basketball players



Why is barbecue sauce so good even though its not orange? -@jagrayum

I’m actually glad it’s not orange. Between tangelos, cheese, carrots, and Gatorade, I already have enough orange in my dietary rotation. In fact, I sometimes feel weird eating orange food because everything the color reminds me of Cheetos.

So even though I might be housing a super-healthy carrot-tangelo smoothie (this sounds horrendous) it still feels like I’m packing Cheetos into my love handles. Cheetos are the worst.

But back to BBQ sauce. You know how some people are really haughty about their meat consumption? Well I never put any kind of sauce or spice on my meat because my meat comes from grass-fed cow-beasts off the coast of Kenya and it has all the flavor I need already cooked in! I only pay $68 a pound at Whole Foods!

Yeah, those people are idiots.

I put barbecue sauce on everything. Those BBQ pizzas at CiCi’s that everybody used to avoid like the plague? Loved them. Chicken on the grill? Drowning in it. Steak? Pass me a liter of the stuff. I would drink barbecue sauce if it wasn’t culturally unacceptable to do so.

The hue is perfect too — I get a little squeamish when my food starts getting too colorful. A deep red with some pepper and other spices mixed in is close enough to being dull that it doesn’t remind me of anything else (Cheetos!) and the taste is magnificent[1. Stubbs is the only acceptable answer to “which kind do you buy?”].

So to answer your question (because I haven’t yet), I have no idea why barbecue sauce is so good (though I think it has to do with the amount of sugar companies put in it) — with stuff like that it’s sometimes better to not know.

And thank God it’s not orange.

OSU starting 5 for basketball made up of non basketball players? -@klucas45

Phenomenal question.

Off the top of my head here are my starting five (it’s going to be difficult to not go all-football):

PG – Jarrett Higgins — His favorite athletes are Kobe, DeAndre Jordan, and Chris Young. And he’s fast as hell.
SG – Justin Gilbert — I’ve heard stories of him doing things at the Colvin that would make Kirby Gardner raise an eyebrow.
SF – Tracy Moore — His dad played in the NBA.
PF – Blake Jackson — He’d be a monster if he could catch an entry pass.
C – Alan Gelogaev – Just because I can.

There’s a decent chance this five (with Eddie coaching them) could have rolled with Ford’s pre-Smart teams for at least a half.

Over/under on the number of headsets Holgy goes through this year? -@milestheking

I’m assuming you want me to set this line which I will do at 7.5.

And you will all take the over.

Favorite woman on television? -@bigwillonthamic

Ahh you mean the Tami Taylor memorial “best woman on television whom your wife doesn’t hate that you like” award? I’m not watching a ton of shows right now but of the ones I watch, I’m all in on Peggy from Mad Men.

She’s gone from the timid secretary to the sneering, strutting copywriter who has the stones to roll Don Draper in a way that nobody else in the company (including the men) wo;;. She’s no Tami in the looks department but her gumption more than makes up for it.

Honorable mention to Elizabeth Jennings (Keri Russell) on The Americans[1. I’ve only seen the first four episodes so she might be able to overtake Pegs once I get deeper into the show.]

Who is the most clutch player in OSU sports history? -@kade_g34

Such a great question to ponder. I think I’m going to go with Josh Fields here. He has 22% of OSU’s Bedlam wins since 1945. He slayed the Nebraska giant as well. I also considered Weeds, Lucas, Obi, Ventura, and Zac but I have to hand it to Fields.

What percentage of plays will we see 2 QBs on field at same time? -@inherittheland

Well given that a dude with two Xs in his name is third string and OSU’s recent history of QB injuries is not exactly spectacular, I’d say somewhere between 0% and .1%.

Who are the best former (and even current) players to follow on twitter? -@thegools

I don’t follow a lot of athletes on Twitter because most of them are all like “bro, threw some weight around today” and tweet incoherent things that only their teammates can understand. Or they’re pumping some sponsored product that I just don’t care about.

Here are some of my awards though:

Overall favorite: Weeden (@bweeden3) — Really one of the first OSU people who figured out social media
Best unintentional comedy: Tony Allen (@aa000G9) — Literally anything is in play.
Favorite former athlete: Andrew McGee (@Coach_McGee)
Best Instagram: @realrickiefowler — It’s not even close.

Which current OSU golfer is going to have the most accomplished career? -@ddennis265

Great question. It depends on how we’re defining “most accomplished career” — how many regular tournaments equals one major for you? What do you do with European Tour events? What about international play? Olympics?

I think we can throw out Wittenberg (meh), Verplank (age), Loar (done nothing on PGA Tour), and Martin (done nothing on PGA Tour). That leaves us with Fowler, Van Pelt, Mahan, Howell, Uihlein, and Hoffmann.

Mahan is probably the leader in the clubhouse right now — he has five wins but one was in match play and he doesn’t have a top five at a major yet.

Van Pelt and Howell are a little older than the other guys though a major would push either of them to the top of this list since they’ve both won multiple times before (Howell — two PGA Tour wins, Van Pelt — one PGA Tour, one European Tour, and one Asian Tour). It’s also pretty interesting to note that Howell is the 24th highest ranked golfer on the all-time money list with $25 million. Mahan is 27th and Van Pelt is 49th.

I think the safe answer is probably Fowler though. I think he’ll be considered the best when all is said and done. He’s already been on a Ryder Cup team, has a win (Wells Fargo Championship), and a top five at a major (2011 British Open) — and he’s only 24.

Uihlein’s career is going to be really intriguing too. He doesn’t shy away from the Adam Scott comparisons (in terms of starting on the European Tour) and he’s got (literally) an entire section of the golf world behind him. He could usurp Fowler shortly and, to be fair, Fowler is no lock to take the mantle from Mahan.

I think it’s fair to say that a major win is worth 4-5 regular wins. I really believe Fowler is going to win a major at some point (I don’t think Mahan will). So that would immediately vault him to No. 1 on this list (as it would for Mahan, Van Pelt, and Howell as well) with everybody else chasing.

Talk about “talk abouts.” -@kevindavis31

It’s a borderline epidemic at this point. At some point — probably after a few Shiners — I almost changed my mind about this. I was willing to at least give the benefit of the doubt to reporters and journalists about slipping into this habit. “It’s a long season,” I said, and sometimes you just run out of questions.

But in the last few weeks I’ve covered the Byron Nelson and Colonial golf tournaments for CBS and done a bunch of interviews and been in press conferences and…well…it’s just not that difficult.

I am dying for an athlete, when asked “can you talk about what tonight was like for you?” to answer “yes, I can” and move on to the next question. That athlete would immediately become my favorite athlete ever.

Here’s some breaking news for you: athletes (and coaches) will actually give you fairly interesting answers if you ask them interesting questions and don’t just bloviate about how great they are and punctuate with a weak non-question question.

If you can’t tell, this is a hill I’ll die on.

Other journalistic hills I will lose my life on: “sneaked” instead of “snuck” and misplaced apostrophes (when referencing home runs it’s “HRs” not “HR’s”).

If OSU was not a Nike school and you had to choose between Under Armour or Adidas -@radkern

I would choose to die.

Not really, I would just choose another school.

OK, seriously, I would choose Adidas. Under Armour is what 12-year-old boys think is cool. To be fair, I do have a few pieces of Under Armour gear but for the most part it’s just horrendous. I don’t mind the long sleeves or hoodies (of which I have both) but their design team seems to have been injected with whatever the Mad Men characters were injected with last week.

I mean you’ve seen these, right?


This is the work of a design team in a drunken stupor about three weeks before this game. Adidas at least does some relatively legitimate things. The colored “C” on the UCLA uniforms a few years ago denoting their 100th NCAA title was pretty amazing. And their soccer and golf stuff isn’t awful.

I’m not trying to get Kansas’ monochromatic basketball uniforms or anything but with a gun to my head I’ll go stripes over UA.

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