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Roundtable Friday: if zombies took over the world…



OSU walking dead

Photo Attribution: @carsonc5

Somebody, I honestly don’t remember who, posed an interesting question on Twitter the other day: if zombies started taking over the world, what three athletes would you want on your side fighting them.

The obvious answers are Kevin Garnett (insane), Patrick Willis (have you seen him?), and Marshall Henderson (insane, wily, possibly a zombie himself) but I wanted to narrow it to OSU athletes only.

So here we are with our roundtable Friday question: if zombies took over the world, what three OSU athletes or former athletes would you want fighting them with you?

First up (as always), the venerable OKC Dave…(there are a few Walking Dead references in here that I don’t get but some of you will).

OKC Dave

John Smith – You need a badass (check) and a good leader (check), plus he’s small so he could get around well in tight spots. I will not tell him to his face that he’s small.

Boone Pickens – Sure, all currency has lost its value in a zombie apocalypse. But his presumably easy-to-secure ranch and hunting weapon stockpile would come in very handy. Not to mention his jet…things aren’t working out? Fly to a remote island.

Brent Parker – After he dropped the pass in 1988, he disappeared into the wilderness to escape from humanity. He’s been living off the land for the last 25 years, so he’ll teach us how to survive the harsh Oklahoma winters. (I know this isn’t true, but this is fiction so I’m taking some liberties).


John Smith – Wrestlers are the baddest dudes on planet Earth. They would greet a zombie apocalypse as a welcomed distraction from a weight cut.. So why not one of the greatest wrestlers to ever step on a mat? Why not one of the greatest coaches of all-time?

Smith would immediately take over as “Rick”. Only he’d do a much better job and would have our team peaking at the right time[1. Like when The Governor sends a truck full of zombies into our prison.] And if you were losing it mentally, he would find the right motivation to get your hand raised a.k.a. keep you alive.

Johny Hendricks – Not only is he a two-time national champion wrestler, but also he might be the best fighter in the world[2. He’ll get to prove that vs. UFC welterweight champion Georges St. Pierre.]. Johny wouldn’t even need a weapon to fend off zombies, his left hand is just as effective as Michonne’s samurai sword[3. Here’s my favorite Johny KO, of John Fitch, who at the time was the No. 1 contender and never been knocked out.]

When you consider Johny already likes to kill stuff for fun he’s a can’t miss. Think “Daryl” with a beard.

Tony Allen – My affinity for Tony is well documented. By all accounts a superstar in college but has learned to play a role in the NBA. He’ll have no trouble deferring to Smith, his new Coach Sutton. But there’s more to Tony than just “grit & grind”, though. So much of the zombie apocalpyse is a mental battle.

And The Grindfather[4. Best twitter avi in existence.] is from the mean streets of Chicago. He laughs at zombies. He admires their hustle. But as OJ Mayo found out, Tony can get angry. When he does, I want him on my side.


Prentiss Elliot – I don’t watch zombie shows so I don’t know what kind of weapons you need to destroy zombies but I’m pretty confident that no matter what the question is, Prentiss can answer it with some sort of firearm/knife/sword/rocket launcher/missile. I can see him opening a post-apocalyptic service counter called SharpenedKnife, I would shop there.

Steve Mocco – Wrestlers are insane and if there are zombies involved I’m going to be higher on insanity than Jay Bilas is on lengthability (or whatever he’s calling it these days). Plus, he’s massive so he can defeat the zombies in a number of different ways — wrestle them to the ground and wring their necks (do zombies have necks?), sit on them, punch them, borrow one of Prentiss’ weapons and shoot them, maybe even eat them (?).

Apocalyptic end to the world? I want this dude on my squad.

Alonzo Mayes – I imagine us loading Mayes in the back of Boone’s F-250 under a tarp and sneaking up on a group of zombies. Then I imagine us telling him to get out and run for his life and zombies just coming at him and being slain by the hundreds as he bowls over them like a child’s feet churning up ants on a dirt path.

Others considered: Janavor Weatherspoon and Marcus Dove (they remind me of aliens), Scott Baker, Brandon Weeden, and Hunter Mahan (throw/hit balls at zombies?), Barry Sanders and Justin Gilbert (somebody has to run and get food (h/t @jacoblongan)), Marcus Smart, Lucien Antoine, and Jeremy Smith (terrifying specimens), Big Dady and Tony Allen (crazy), and Jimmy Jackson (3X national champ, scary as hell).


Nathan Peterson – It wasn’t the toughest decision I’ve ever made picking a Marine Platoon Commander. I will gladly relinquish the leadership role and follow this man’s commands. I get so much with this pick: survival skills, experience with firearms, battle tactics. He’s one of the nicest guys you’ll ever meet but he was a beast in the trenches. I can’t think of any former OSU athlete who would increase our group’s chances of survival more than Nate.

I-Mac – I’m not sure how you can start a zombie survival squad and leave out the Warrior. A 6’8 forward who played like a 7’0 center. McFarlin has to be a 1st-Team All OSU teammate.

It doesn’t take skill to kill a zombie, so I don’t need the fastest, strongest or most athletic guy. Give me someone who has the group’s back 100% of the time. Every time I start talking about McFarlin, it takes me back to 2003-2005 and the toughness he brought to the floor every game[6. Unrelated note: Having watched both of them play quite a bit, it’s shocking to me that Le’Bryan is only 1 inch shorter than Ivan.]

Andrea Riley – She’s my Glenn. I need someone who can sneak in and out of towns gathering supplies without being seen. This spot almost went to Vic but Andrea gets the nod because of her smaller frame. I’ve heard horror stories from guys I knew on the practice squad who guarded her and didn’t end up on their feet[7. Kyle here, just popping in to say hi!].

She’s got the skill and guts to make a dangerous run into a town filled with walkers if it means grabbing medicine, food, a 30-foot jump shot, whatever[8. I feel like I need to apologize to my father, Rick, for not including him on this list. Love you, Dad!].

Honorable Mention: Tyler Hatch, solely for comic relief. I imagine watching him beg Andrea to pick up a jar of hair gel on her run while the rest of us request food and medicine.

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