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Satire: Time for OSU and Gundy to Part Ways



In a recent interview, OSU benefactor T. Boone Pickens said he and coach Mike Gundy were not on speaking terms.


While this may not be the first time they have had a contentious relationship, Pickens and Gundy have always managed to patch things up, but after a frustrating 2-2 start, Pickens may finally have the leverage necessary to get rid of Gundy.

Pickens says that while this move may seem drastic, it is a necessary one.

“In my business, if you don’t produce something fantastic in over a decade, you don’t get to stick around very long,” said Pickens. “And what has Mike (Gundy) produced, aside from being the winningest coach in school history and making OSU one of the winningest programs in the last decade? Nothing, that’s what.”

Pickens said that even though he has been frustrated in his dealings with Gundy at times, this decision is nothing personal.

“It’s just business, okay?” said Pickens, aimlessly swinging a diamond golf club. “I want to see OSU become a top tier program and regularly playing for the Big 12 title isn’t going to cut it. Besides, Mike never wants to ride in the jet when I’m flying it, and it kind of hurts my feelings.”

Pickens made it clear that OSU’s record against rival OU was not a significant factor in his decision to call for Gundy’s removal.

“I’m looking at the picture holistically,” said Pickens. “I’m not just focusing on one incredibly frustrating and historically lopsided rivalry against a school I’ve personally tried to burn down on multiple occasions. Nope. Not worried about that at all.”

Pickens added that he wishes Gundy well, wherever he ends up after OSU.

“I hope that whatever school he ends up at next has a similar meteoric rise and becomes relevant in their conference just like OSU has during Gundy’s tenure,” said Pickens. “It’s just a shame he couldn’t accomplish anything meaningful while he was here.”

In addition to mega-donor Pickens, some coaches agree that perhaps Gundy has outstayed his welcome. While most coaches we contacted would not comment on Gundy’s job performance at OSU, one in particular thought it would be best if he found employment elsewhere.

“I think it would be best for him and the program if he moved along,” said a coach who wanted to remain anonymous. “He’s done a great job continuing the work that fantastic and incredibly handsome coach who used to be at LSU started. Man, that guy’s a good coach. You know, maybe once Gundy leaves, OSU should hire that coach back? What do you think? How good are the odds of that happening? C’mon, on a scale from 1-10…”

Even some fans, usually loyal to their head coach, are saying enough is enough.

“Look, we’ve come to expect better things than starting 2-2,” said fan Ricky Harrels, wearing a shirt that reads “Fire Gundy 2011 12 13 14 15 16.” “You can’t just lose to a team because the refs literally stole the victory from you and then lose in a tight competition with a talented Baylor early in the season. That’s just too much for any fan to bear.”

A local Stillwater woman was even more direct.

“Coaches are only measured by one thing: wins,” said Stacy Wyatt. “If I don’t remember to come into work 2 days in a row, I don’t get to keep my job, so I don’t think Gundy should keep his job if he loses 2 games. It’s only fair.”

While the fans and Pickens can petition and throw their weight around, the one person who has to make the final call is athletic director Mike Holder.

We reached out to Holder for comment on the chances of Gundy being fired either during or after the season, but all he did was laugh more and more intensely until he fell on the floor and passed out.

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