What They Meant (A&M Edition)

Photo Attribution: Icon SMI

As an addendum to my post last week on why A&M needs to be careful about chasing down the hot girl from the gym, with all the swirling rumors and innuendo regarding our friends to the south I thought it was time for another round of “what they really meant” for all parties involved.

Let’s get to it:

(Texas A&M President) R. Bowin Loftin

What he said: “[I am] committed to doing what is best for Texas A&M not only now, but also in the future. We continue to have wide-ranging conversations regarding all aspects of the university, including both academics and athletics.”
What he meant: “Deuces.”

What he said: “As we have seen over the past several days, there has been a considerable amount of misinformation regarding these discussions and any associated timelines.”
What he meant: “I’m going to strangle our inside leak with one of my bow ties.”

(Big 12 commissioner) Dan Beebe

What he said: “I’ll put it this way, I’m taking it very seriously. I’ve been talking to a number of people. Obviously, there are a significant number of Aggie supporters who are interested in going in that (SEC) direction.”
What he meant: “I am so screwed. Does the Sun Belt need a commish?”

High ranking Big 12 official (who is leaking news)

What he said: “”I don’t know if this could go down in a month or a year or in weeks,” the source said. “But it’s taken on a life of its own. I would just tell A&M to be careful what you wish for.”
What he meant: “I hear Baton Rouge in October is enjoyable.”

Rick Perry (governor of Texas)

What he said: “I’ll be real honest with you, I just read about it the same time as y’all did…As far as I know, conversations are being had. That’s frankly all I know. I just refer you to the university and the decision makers over there.”
What he meant: “I want to beat Obama and I can’t afford to alienate any of my voters.”

(Texas AD) DeLoss Dodds

What he said: “At this point we do not know if Texas A&M is leaving the Big 12. All we know is what we read and hear in the media. We are actively looking at every possible option we have and have been talking to other Big 12 schools. We are strong supporters and members of the Big 12. We’d be disappointed if Texas A&M leaves but, if they do, we wish them well.”
What he meant: “I have Saban on line two, he’s literally drooling into his phone.”

(Baylor AD) Ian McCaw

What he said: “We are working closely with our colleagues in the conference. We look forward to continued and open dialog concerning ways we might work together to preserve our collective interests and ensure a bright and successful future for the Big 12.”
What he meant: “I have just bought Mr. and Mrs. Dodds a vacation home in Aruba. I will pay to fly them there whenever they want.”

(Florida president) Bernie Machen on behalf of the SEC

What he said: “The SEC Presidents and Chancellors met today and reaffirmed our satisfaction with the present 12 institutional alignment. We recognize, however, that future conditions may make it advantageous to expand the number of institutions in the league. We discussed criteria and process associated with expansion. No action was taken with respect to any institution including Texas A&M.”
What he meant: “John Skipper (VP of content at ESPN) is getting some long-term figures back to us :)”

(SEC Commissioner) Mike Slive

What he said: “Most of our contracts have confidentiality clauses, so I’ll answer this somewhat indirectly, it is not unusual in these kinds of contracts for there to be a provision that if the composition of the league changes, there’s an opportunity to sit down and talk about that with our television partner.”
What he meant: “I’m about to make fourteen schools obscenely wealthy.”